


sandlover69: hey gays it's ya boi sandlover69

by 4yup



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: <-- to tapl bc i said so, :), Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempt at Humor, Bad Parent Jschlatt (Video Blogging RPF), Fluff, Homelessness, Kinda, Multiple Pronouns for Eret (Video Blogging RPF), Older Sibling Sam | Awesamdude, Oops, Parent Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Protective Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Time Travelling Karl Jacobs, Trans Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), blows kiss to au!purpled for my mc fiance, chat fic, oops makes half chapters TaplHarV centric, purpled is in chp 9, trans Harvey | TapL
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:34:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 7,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29481543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4yup/pseuds/4yup
Summary: Dream is texting and driving, philza minecraft is trying to wrangle fifty kids, and tommy just wants to find hot girlaka: another dsmp+ chat fic
Comments: 27
Kudos: 345





	1. Technoblade: You can't be Homophic if you can't spell

**Author's Note:**

> Tws: implied distracted driving (minimum), skipping class, caps, cursing 
> 
> tryin to get all the triggers down!

[BIGMAN Added (813)909-648, (514)385-368 +6 Others]

BIGMAN: WICH ONE OF YOU STOLE HOT LADY

(813): who the fuck

(740): *whom *which 

(813): i hate this bitch already

(740): good

BEE: tmmy who r dese ppl

BIGMAN: I THINK I TYPES IN THE NUMBERS WRONG

(740): *typed

(668): How do you mess up 6 numbers.

(740): Hello Ranboo

Ranboo: Hello Technoblade

Technoblade: Shouldn't you be in school.

Ranboo: Shouldn't you

(457): anyways anyone wanna know their future???

LocalFatherFigure: Karl no last time you did that you set your school on fire

Karl: Hello Philza Minecraft

Ranboo: Hello Philza Minecraft

Technoblade: Hello Philza Minecraft

(813): Hello Philza Minecraft

BEE: Hello Philza Minecraft

BIGMAN: HOW DOSE EVERYONE KNOW PHILZA MINECRAFT

Ranboo: I??? live with him????

Technoblade: Same.

BIGMAN: WAIT WERE YOU THAT KID WHO STOOD OUTSUDE HIS CLASS WINDOW ALL CLADD

Ranboo: Yes

Ranboo: good to know I strike fear into the heart of children

LocalFatherFigure: ran you are literally a day older then him

Ranboo: Father do not ruin this for me

[BIGMAN changed Ranboos name to ACTUALCHILDCONFIRMED]

ACTUALCHILDCONFIRMED: that's it

ACTUALCHILDCONFIRMED: I'm getting wilbur

[ACTUALCHILDCONFIRMED Added sandlover69]

(813): I feel so lonely

[(814) Added (795) & (695)]

sandlover69: hey gays it's ya boi sandlover69 

(695): im not gay

Karl: SAPNAP?????

Sapnap: ONLY GAY 4 U KARL

Karl: MWA

Sapnap: MWAH

ACTUALCHILDCONFIRMED: suddenly im Homphic

Technoblade: You can't be Homophic if you can't spell

sandlover69: hey gays it's ya boi sandlover69

LocalFatherFigure: WILBUR WERE THE FUCL ARE YOU

sandlover69: wHY DID NO ONE TELL ME PHILS IN CHAT

sandlover69: IM SKIPPING HIS CLASS RN

(814): DONT ADMIT THAT

(814): WHERE RU WIL I'LL PICK U UP

sandlover69: YES DADDY DREAM

sandlover69: WAIT NO

[BEE changed (814)s name to daddydre]

daddydre: dre

sandlover69: dre

ACTUALCHILDCONFIRMED: dre

Technoblade: Dre.

BIGMAN: techno you ruined it

Technoblade: I will ruin your fun.

[BIGMAN changed Technoblades name to Bitch]

Bitch: Well that's just rude

BEE: TECHNO SPELL ASTROPHPYSUT

Bitch: Astrophysicist

daddydre: how

Bitch: English Bitch.

sandlover69: DREAM OPEN YOUR CAR UP FASTER

daddydre: OK JESUS

BIGMAN: YOU MEAN VIKKSTAR

daddydre: SORRY YES VIKKSTAR

sandlover69: WHO US THE MEN ON THE BACK

Sapnap: me bitch

daddydre: is gogy still back there???

sandlover69: DREAM YOUR DRIVING EYES ON THE ROAF

daddydre: TYEN STOP TEXTING ME

ACTUALCHILDCONFIRMED: well rip to them but imdiffeemt

LocalFatherFigure: Ran you are also skipping my class right now

ACTUALCHILDCONFIRMED: quite being a snitch philza minecraft

BEE: domt talk to ur fathar like dat

ACTUALCHILDCONFIRMED: you are not my father philza minecraft

LocalFatherFigure: :,(

ACTUALCHILDCONFIRMED: OH NO DADZA I AM SO SORRY YOU ARE MY FATHER I AM SORRY PLEASE DONT BE SAD

Bitch: Phil I think this is manipulation.

daddydre: did someone say manipulation?

sandlover69: DREAM ROAD


	2. ACTUALCHILDCONFIRMED: are we gonna skip over the part where Techno kidnapped someone????

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter i introduce, the arts and crafts club, more complex family dynamics, and a very confused Tapl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello tapL is cool n you should watch him
> 
> tws: cursing caps car accident (not shown/written just driving into a ditch) hospitals concussions

[Definetly not the arts and crafts club]

Blade: Dream where are you. You are missing calligraphy day.

kidnapped: Hospital

apple:???? 

oranged: Dream why am I only know figuring this out

kidnapped: …

kidnapped: 20 dollars to not tell Punz or Ponk

puns: i am right here

kidnapped: 20 dollars to not tell Ponk

oranged: 25

kidnapped: deal

puns: dream i hope you know I have already told ponk

kidnapped: aND YOU COULDN'T SAY THAT BEGORE

apple: cry me a river

blade: harvey, you owe everyone here money be quite.

kidnapped: TECHNO DIDNT CAPIYLISE

[blade had deleted one message]

apple: to late :)

blade: Harvey I know where you live.

apple: DID SCOTT SMAJOR TELL YOU

blade: dispatching hitman now

apple: AHHHHHHH

[BIGMAN + 9 others]

sandlover69: hey gays I'm in the hospital

daddydre: lol mood

LocalFatherFigure: ?????

sandlover69: philza minecraft can you pay my medical bills

LocalFatherFigure: no <3

(765): lol

sandlover69: THE ONE FUCKING TIME TOU WAJE UP 

gogy: I'm going to sleep just because of that

daddydre: Can confirm he just feel asleep

sandlover69: ????

sandlover69: we aren't aloud visitors yet????

daddydre: you are if you have money

Bitch: Eat the rich.

Bitch: Father minecraft is kidnapping illegal.

LocalFatherFigure: yes

Sapnap: very much so

Bitch: @daddydre can you bail me out of jail.

daddydre: no

Bitch: I'll get you Denny's.

daddydre: Deal

ACTUALCHILDCONFIRMED: are we gonna skip over the part where Techno kidnapped someone????

Bitch: It's just Harvey calm down.

ACTUALCHILDCONFIRMED: techno

ACTUALCHILDCONFIRMED: technobthis is the fifth time

ACTUALCHILDCONFIRMED: techno he's traumatized

Bitch: He should know the consequences of his actions.

LocalFatherFigure: I would say not to kidnap Harvey

LocalFatherFigure: but he owa me 50 so….

Bitch: Owa.

ACTUALCHILDCONFIRMED: Owa.

gogy: Owa.

daddydre: Owa.

sandlover69: Owa.

BIGMAN: Owa.

BEE: Owa.

LocalFatherFigure: i hate all of you

karl: capital D colon???? 

sandlover69: dadza can you pick me up from hospital

LocalFatherFigure: get your brothers to do it

Bitch: I am preoccupied.

ACTUALCHILDCONFIRMED: i can't drive

sandlover69: ran we both know thats a lie

ACTUALCHILDCONFIRMED: ….

ACTUALCHILDCONFIRMED: ill be there in 5

\---

Wilbur was waiting very impatiently for his brother to pick him up.

Him and Dream had both been discharged with only a concussion each. George had somehow remained not injured and asleep and Sapnap had ran off to who knows where the second he saw the flashing police lights.

Wil couldn't exactly blame him for running, had he not felt like he was dying he would've ran to.

The crash wasn't to bad either. Just dream accidentally driving into a ditch, Sapnap most likely wasn't even injured.

The honking of a horn knocks him out of his odd monologue. 

"Hurry up Wil. Phil's making Nacho's." That was enough to get him on his feet and running to Ranboos car.

Wil hops into the passenger seat, quickly buckling himself in. 

"Please tell me he didn't invite the whole neighborhood over." 

"He did."

\---

[BIGMAN + 9 others]

BIGMAN: HAS ANYONE SEEN HOT LADY???

LocalFatherFigure: do i want to know

BIGMAN: SHES MY PUMPKIN PLANT

BIGMAN: THE WHOLE PATCH IS GONE

Bitch: I bet it was Harvey.

BIGMAN: Give me his number i will kill him

\---

[Tommyinnit → HarveY]

Tommyinnit: Harvey

HarveY: Tommy

Tommyinnit: Did you steal my pumpkins

HarveY: Why would i do such a thing

Tommyinnit: do you promise you didn't?

HarveY: 100%

HarveY: I fear the wrath of your father to much

Tommyinnit: Sam is a scary man

Tommyinnit: He's also not my father

HarveY: He idnt???

Tommyinnit: Do you know where hot girl is

HarveY: It was probably sapnap

HarveY: Tommy???

HarveY: Tommy whered you go??.

\---

[BIGMAN +9 others]

BIGMAN: where is sapnap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok now it's not like midnight so hopefully this chapter was funny
> 
> i am adding plot kinda a bit just a smidge because idk that's what you do with stories right?
> 
> anyways get better sleep then me n like eat water or something
> 
> Tumblr: @4yup


	3. SammyWammy: DREAM DID YOU KIDNAP MY KID

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy wants his pumpkin, i introduce more family dynamics & Sam is very confused.
> 
> aka let sapnap be a kind person who just messes up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: BLOOD!! it's during the irl section I'll put a summary of it at end of the chapter.   
> also!!! fire!!! but very minimal it's in the first image description and two line down from it

[BIGMAN +9 others

Sapnap: wduw

BIGMAN: where is hot girl

Sapnap: [Sent 1 Image. The photo is a selfie of Sapnap with a lighter in his other hand. In the background a small pumpkin can be seen.]

BIGMAN: YOU BITCH GIVE HER BACK

Sapnap: I'll burn her

BIGMAN: sapnap i am begging you please i will give you anything

BIGMAN: do you want the disks???

Sapnap: woah hey it's ok I'm not going to

Sapnap: you can come pick her up she's at my house

\---

Tommy was running to Sapnaps house, a red wagon trailing behind him.

He knew Sapnap said he wouldn't burn her but Tommy's trust for Sapnap was shaky at best. It had been cracked so many times he wonders if they could ever repair it.

Probably not.

That was besides the point. He was running with his wagon, the wheels kept hitting on the back of his uncovered heels but he didn't care. All he cared about was the pumpkin and how he needed her back.

He rounds the corner to see Sapnap and what he assumes is the Dream fellow on the porch of a small bright blue house. Two pumpkins between them.

Tommy's ignores Sapnaps and Dreams attempt at conversation instead launching himself at his pumpkins, hugging them lightly to his chest.

"Tommy are you alright?" That was definitely Sapnap, "You ankles are all bloody, and so are your feet."

"Why you looking at his feet sap?" a voice that Tommy assumes is Dream said.

"Jesus, do you want some Band-Aids kid? or like a ride?" He looks up from his pumpkins and down towards his feet. They were bloodied alright, how had he not noticed that?

"Uh, Yeah probably."

\---

[BIGMAN +9 Others]

daddydre: [Sent one image. The image is a photo of Sapnap and Tommy asleep on a brown couch. With tommy's head on Sapnaps shoulder and two pumpkins in his hand.]

LocalFatherFigure: someone tell Sam he'll fucking die

[daddydre has added SammyWammy]

SammyWammy: FYVUNIVYTVIB

SammyWammy: THAT'S MY KID

SammyWammy: DREAM DID YOU KIDNAP MY KID

daddydre: Sapnap

SammyWammy: WHERE THE FUCK IS SAPNAP

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SUMMARY: tommy runs with a red wagon to sapnals house and gets his pumpkins back and ends up staying
> 
> !!! hope u liked it!!! i love this story so much so I've been writing a lot i actually have another chapter already written n I'll probably put it out tomorrow
> 
> also!!! how do we feel about the irl sections? do we like them or would we prefer just the text sections??


	4. daddydre: boohoo crackers gonna have a depression arc

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more family dynamics, i introduce two more characters , and Harvey is still kidnapped

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tws absent parents!!! it's a mention toward the end to skip it read till tubbos say "mr.minecraft can I bring my siblings" then skip to technos line "father minecraft can I bring harvey" 
> 
> caps n cursing warning as always

[BIGMAN +10 Others]

Sapnap: Im right here

Sapnap: wduw 

SammyWammy: DID YOU KIDNAP MY KID???

Sapnap: he came to me willingly 

SammyWammy: why

Sapnap: uh

Sapnap: I took his pumpkins

Sapnap: BUT I GAVE THEM BACKJ I DIENT DO ANYTHING TOBTHEM

SammyWammy: IM TELLING BAD

Sapnap: DONT YOU DARE

—

“Badddddddddd” Sam wines from his spot on the couch.

“Yeah?” A voice from the kitchen yells, the aforementioned Bad. He had been making muffins since the last batch had gone missing, (everyone but Bad knew Callahan took them). 

“Sapnap stole Tommy’s pumpkin.” 

“Who took it?” Bad was very obviously paying more attention to the muffins than Sam. 

Sam sighs very loudly before responding “Your brother.”

“Sapnap? Why would he do that.” He finally looks up from the oven, now actually paying attention to Sam.

“Bad this is like the third time he’s done it.”

“Well, yeah but maybe it was Harvey?” Bad says it as a question more than a statement only making Sam sigh more dramatically.

“You kid kidnapped my kid Bad.”

“Now kidnap is a strong word-”

—

[BIGMAN +10 Others]

[SammyWammy added TheMuffinMan]

TheMuffinMan: Sapnap.

Sapnap: …

Sapnap: sam i hate you you

Sammywammy: :)

daddydre: sam no that’s my thing

SammyWammy: :)

ACTUALCHILDCONFIRMED: :)

Bitch: :)

BEE: :)

LocalFatherFigure: :)

LocalFatherFigure: also dinner at 6 were having pot roast

BEE: MR.MINECRAF CAN I BRING MY SIBLNGS

LocalFatherFigure: yes you may

LocalFatherFigure: is your father coming?

BEE: no es out of town 

LocalFatherFigure: who’s at your house then?

BEE: quactiy 

LocalFatherFigure: i see he can come to

Bitch: Father Minecraft can I bring Harvey?

LocalFatherFigure: If he wants to come ssure 

[Bitch Added HarveY]

HarveY: techie i am on your shoulder

BIGMAN: YOU CAN CALL HIM TECHIE AND NOT DIE??

[BIGMAN Changed Bitchs name to Techie]

Techie: Harv I going to murder you.

Techie: Also would you like to have dinner with us?

HarveY: try me

HarveY: also yes sure

Techie: :)

HarveY: ADTCYFYVVU BUBU

daddydre: WHY DO EVERYONE KEEPN STEALING MY THING

ACTUALCHILDCONFIRMED: is anyone gonna ask if harvey is ok???

daddydre: no <3

ACTUALCHILDCONFIRMED: ok...

SammyWammy: dream where is ponk

daddydre: wouldn’t you like to know weather boy

SammyWammy: …

[SammyWammy has left chat]

daddydre: boohoo crackers gonna have a depression arc

Techie: Dream please. This is the fifth time.

daddydre: :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i made schlatt a bad parent bc i mean like it's in Character  
> also i just don't feel comfy writing him bc of his views on fanfiction so :L  
> also!!!! thank you for the comments they are very sweet!!!!  
> next chapters gonna be dinner and probably will be late bc i wrote a different chapter thing halfway through writing the next one oops!!!!


	5. quackquack: tubbo for the last time i do not live in your basement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner Party, Quackity is tired, and Tommy is a child

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tws. cusing n caps

The minecraft household was four people big legally.

In spirit the house held almost 20 people, this was especially visible when Phil made dinner.

It was very likely to see more than four residents eating dinner in the house and today was no different.

One individual was new to these dinners however. He’d only moved into the neighborhood recently and that was to look after his idiot friends' kids because he can never seem to stay with them.

Don’t get him wrong he loved these kids, but at this point he’s more of their parent then their actual parents.

This man's name was Quackity and he is about to have the best yet worst day ever.

—-  
[BIGMAN +10 Others]

[BEE added quackquack, Niki!!!, and urhighness to chat]

BEE: hello des r my siblings n quackity 

sandlover69: NIKI!!!

Niki!!!: :wave:

sandlover69: eret.

urhighness: wilbur.

sandlover69: having fun with your crown 

urhighness: wilbur please that was a month ago

sandlover69: YOU TOOK MY NUGGETS FIR A CRIWN I WILL NEVER GORGIVE U

urhighness: I BOUGHT YOU MORE NUGGETS

BEE: itz ok ert i forgiv u

sandlover69: betrayal…

quackquack: i am scared

karl: ALEX

quackquack: KARLOS

BEE: ??? quackit u have a live outside of the basmemt??

quackquack: tubbo for the last time i do not live in your basement

BEE: you dont???

\---

Phil could make about four things well.

-pot roast  
-nachos  
-wraps  
-and grilled cheese

subsequently those were about the only foods his small family ate.

and most of the neighborhood too. Most days people just appear at dinner time asking if they can have some.

Phil always says yes.

Some days he actually planned for people coming over, and today happened to be one of these days.

Bad, Sam, Tommy and Ant were already over, with Techno walking in with Harvey over his shoulder.

Phil would tell him to stop but both the boys looked so happy Phil didn't have the heart to tell them off.

Most of the kids were playing Mario kart as Sam and Bad helped Phil with his final preparations.

"Sam I think you're just over watering them." 

"But that's how much it said!" 

Phil sighs as he hears the doorbell ring and more shouting following.

All he hopes is that no one will get injured.

\---

[BIGMAN +10 Others]

LocalFatherFigure: It was nice to meet you quackity :)

quackquack: thank you philza minecraft 

quackquack: you were the only nice one

Karl: WE POPPED OFF

BIGMAN: WHY DOSE POPING OFF REQUIRE ME BEING DOUSED IN WATER

Karl: LET US POP OFF CHILD

BIGMAN: I AM NIT A CHILD HOW DARS U

quackquack: you are the youngest here

BIGMAN: KARL YOU TURNED THE NEW GUY AGAINST ME I AM GOING TO KILL YOU

Karl: SAPNAP SAVE ME

Sapnap: no

Karl: CAPITAL D COLON???

quackquack: ITS OK KARL ILL GET YOU

quackquack: ONCE I DRIVE ALL THESE CHILDREN HOME

urhighness: QUACKITY UR DRIVING EYES ON THE ROAD

quackquack: DONT BE A SNITCH ERET

BEE: if i die give ranboob my mony and tomy my stuff

BIGMAN: WHY DONT I GET THE MOINEY

BIGMAN: TUBBO I AM GOING TO KILL YPU GRRR

BEE: c thatz y im not givin it to him

BIGMAN: WHY IS NO ONE BEING NICE TO ME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :DDDD im proud of the two irl parts!!!!
> 
> I also love this chat fic so much thats why im updating so often bc its just my favorite thing to write!!!
> 
> next chapter is either going to be sad as shit or really weird so be on the look out if you have a prefrence you can say it in the comments but I'll most likly just do whichever one i finish first!!!!


	6. Techie: See now why is that the thing that gets Gogy up.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Angst Chapter :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tws! Homlessness in the first irl section n its vauged in phil in technos message i'll put a summary at the bottom!!  
> also!! expirences are called a dream in the ending so skip that part n i'll also put a summary of that!  
> caps n cursing as always

“Harvey what’s your address, I’ll drive you home.” Techno asks after they finish up their game of Mario Kart.

“It’s fine I can walk.” Harvey just smiles at him pulling his red sweater over his head.

“Harvey it’s two in the morning I’m not letting you walk home.” 

“I’ll be fine Techno.” He snapped at him with a harsh tone, “Didn’t mean to be so mean but, seriously I’ll be fine.”

Techno gives him a glance before saying. “Harvey what’s going on?”

Harvey’s hands were shaking and grasping at his sweater, “it, I’m um.”

Techno sighs picking up his keys and turning to Harvey, “Harvey I don’t care where you live, ‘aight whatever you thinks bad-“

“It’s not that I um, I uh, I don’t really have a house.” He says the last part as quiet as possible, looking down at his shoes.

“Harvey.” Techno puts one hand on his shoulder and grabs his other hand into his own, “You can stay with us ok? Phil won’t mind, I promise.”

Harvey looked up at him, mouth slightly agape before shutting it close, and pushing Techno away from him. “You don’t wanna know why? You just fucking go with it? You don’t wanna know any details?”

"Harv, you don't gotta tell me if you don't want to, so long as you didn't like, murder someone no one will care." Techno holds up his hands defensively making sure to come off as non-threatening as possible.

"Can I hug you?"

Harvey paused hands still grasping at his sweater before nodding.

Techno wraps his arms around the small kid, gods he was only a kid. And he was so small and so smelly, gods this kid smelled.

Techno just holds him tighter.

\---

[Minecraft household supremacy]

[second oldest added apple to chat]

[second oldest named apple second youngest]

second oldest: Harvey will be staying with us now.

old man: alright then

old man: also go to sleep it's two in the morning

second oldest: Totally father minecraft.

oldest: Totally father minecraft.

second youngest: Totally father minecraft.

youngest: Totally father minecraft.

\---

[Oldman to blade]

Oldman: whats going on with tapl??

blade: he admitted that he homeless so im making him stay with us

Oldman: awwww mate

blade: dont ‘awww mate’ me philza minecraft you would do the same thing

Oldman: did he say why? or how long?

blade: nah didnt think pushing it would go well

blade: hes asleep btw on the couch

Oldman: ight ill talk to him in the morning 

Oldman: now go to bed

blade: no promises

\---

[BIGMAN +10 others]

[urhighness changed chat name to ‘Why has nobody named this chat yet’]

urhighness: hey gays im tired

daddydre: hi tired im gay

gogy: wait actually

Techie: See now why is that the thing that gets Gogy up.

daddydre: GOGY UR SSUPOSSED TO BE IN CLASS RN wE HAVE A PRESENTATION

gogy: wait its wednesday???

Sapnap: YES ITS FUCKING WEDNESDAY

Gogy: i feel asleep on monday

Sapnap: u r so lucky tuesday was a snow day

Sapnap: also i think you have a problem

daddydre: ur only now figuring this out???

Karl: wait its wednesday?????

\---

Karl was confused.

Last he checked it was Friday afternoon and he was watching Bad, Ant and Punz try to throw Puffy into a shed.

Now it’s Wednesday and the presentation he did for English already, he did again again.

He must have dreamed it all, right? You can’t time travel. Time travel doesn’t exist.

He stumbles through the presentation, just like he did in his dream. Sapnap forgets the same line he forgot in his dream. Dream forgets to change the same slides.

It was all the same. Nothing changed.

He couldn’t have traveled back in time though. No one can do that, it’s impossible 

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> summary one: harvey admits he is homeless to techno and now lives with him and his brothers, in phils and technos message phil asks techno if he knows anything about the situation and tells him what he knows
> 
> summary 2: karl talks about how he thought it was friday and how he thought he went through all these things before
> 
> also!!!! please tell me if i portray anything wong!!! ima kid I dont fully understand stuff sometimes so please be kind!!!
> 
> also!!! last note i promise!!! thank you for almost 1,000 hits!!! thats the most ive ever gotten im happy yall read it!!!!


	7. BONK: bbh how do you feel knowing you ruined our relationship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Egg :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tws: transphobia bad parenting n being kicked out in first irl section!!! summary in bottom notes
> 
> caps n cursing as always!!!!

Harvey had been living with Phil for barley a day and it was the most Phil had ever seen the kid smile.

Phil knew he would have to talk to the kid at some point but the poor kid looked so scared when he asked to talk to him after dinner.

He pulled a chair up next to Harvey making sure to put a comfortable distance between the two. The kid kept tugging on his sweater and jeez, how many times has he seen the kid wear that one sweater?

“First off,” Phil says brushing the thought out of his mind, “I’m not kicking ya’ out.”

“Oh” The kid let out a very nervous breath he lets go of the end of his sweater

“But,” (He grabs his sweater again). “I gotta ask a couple questions if thats ok with you.”

Harvey shuts his eyes tight before nodding.

“You don’t have to answer the questions ok? Only tell me what you want to.”

Another nod.

“How long were you living on your own?”

Harvey counts on his fingers before saying, “About, three years?”

“Since you were fifteen?” Phi thinks back to when he first met Harvey. The kid was in his class when he was 16, he would always stay after school in his room working on homework and other activities, always wanting to go over to others house. Maybe he should have seen the signs.

Harvey nods.

“Did, something happen to your parents?”   
He shakes his head, looking down at his shoes.

“Harvey, can you look at me kiddo?” He holds his hands out to him trying to come off as non-threatening as possible.

The kid looks up at him, eyes with tears starting to fall down his face.

“Were ya’ kicked out?”

Harvey nods sobs racking his small body. Phil scops him up into a hug whispering small assurances to him.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I'm sorry.” 

Phil hums holding the kid closer, “Why you sorry?”

“ ‘cause, if if-” Harvey sobs more as Phil rubs small circles onto his back, “if if, i stay a girl I wouldn't be such a bother.”

Oh, oh

The pisces clicked in Phils head as he was filled with rage for whoever made this kid, this child, feel like that. He simers down the rage focusing on reassuring the kid.

“But Harv if you stayed that way you wouldnt be yourself and that's more important than bein’ a bother.”

Harvey shakes his head, “but, but then they would be happy.”

“Harvey, you're not responsible for anyone's happiness. If you being a guy makes people unhappy that's their fault not yours.”

“But-”

Phil stops him before he can go on, “No buts kiddo.”

Harvey sobs more.

\---

[Farming club]

gae 1: egg time :)

gae 2: oh no

gae 2: I THOUGHT QE HAD TWO MORE DAYS

puns: red...

puns: red we said it would be on Friday

gae 2: YHATS TODAY

puns: yeah????

\---

[Why has nobody named this chat yet]

BEE: why did j just wutch sam splint out o ckass

Techie: oh fuck

Techie: it's egg day

BEE: ?????

BEE: wut is egg day

BEE: techno????

\---

[PRO OMLET GANG]

gae 2: EMERGENCY 

BONK: TARGET IS QUACKITY

apple: ????

gae 2: STAY AWAY FROM PUNZ BAD N ANT 

gae 2: ITS EGG DAT

SammyWammy: ALREADY RUNNIN

apple: heh

apple: ur like 100% 

gae 2: 100% 

apple: oh no we r not ready

apple: weren’t we supposed to have 2 days???

BONK: ITS FRYDAY 

BONK: EVERYONE GET OFF CAMPOUS

SammyWammy: OH FUVK THEIR COMING 4 ME

SammyWammy: yvhiniiininiinnini

apple: SAM JUST GOT THROWN IN THE SHED OH NO

apple: THEIR COMING FOR ME N TECHNO

apple: SDDGHIIBIHININO

cptpuffpuff: oh no their taking our numbers 

gae 2: @SammyWammy @apple @blade????

blade: i am in pit 

cptpuffpuff: oh no he isn’t capitalizing 

cptpuffpuff: this is really bad

blade: tapl is passed out and sams vibing 

gae 2: is harvey ok????

blade: tgyhhbjbbbmnk

gae 2: ????? 

blade: sorry ponk just got tossed on me

blade: tapls ok he just tired i’m the only one with a phone 

blade: wait i hear them

blade: TOMMY IS THE TARGET OH SHIT

cptpuff: kidnapping him rn

\---

Tommy was quite confused.

He had been in class, albeit a little confused as to why his brother Sam, bolted out of class.

Now he's more confused because Puffy grabbed him out of class and is driving him away from school with the only explanation being 'egg day'.

He sends a text to Sam, very confused and gets no response.

He gets a new notification saying he's been added to an 'PRO OMLET GANG' group chat.

—  
[PRO OMLET GANG]

[BONK added BIGMAN]

BIGMAN: wtf is this shit 

blade: Hello Tommyinnit

BIGMAN: someone tell me why techno isnt capitalizing

gae 2: its egg day and your the target

BIGMAN: ??????

BIGMAN: what????

gae 2: it's a gardening club thing

gae 2: punz bad n ant are the hunters right??

blade: skeppy too

gae 2: oh shit oh no

gae 2: uh so skeppy bad ant n punz e hunting you down

gae 2: it's like capture the flag but with people

blade: our target is quackity

cptpuff: quackity isn't even at school today???

cptpuff: wait

cptpuff: detour time :)

BIGMAN: what do you mean deator????

BIGMAN: OH FUCK

cptpuff: good news i Know exactly were quackity is

blade: gonna pretend that isn't creeppy

BIGMAN: i am still so confused

blade: basically: the gardening club does this thing that's a big game of capture the flag but instead of flags we capture people outside of the club

BIGMAN: that explains nothing

blade: good

cptpuff: I CAN SEE QUACKITY

cptpuff: OH FUCL

BIGMAN: WHY IS PUNZ RUNNING AT ME VERY FAST

gae 2: FUCKING RUN TOMMY

BIGMAN: NAJHSJDUIZJSK

\---

[Farming club]

TheMuffinMan: got him :)

TheMuffinMan: [Sent 1 Image. The image shows Punz smiling well holding Tommy down to the ground. Tommy spears filled with rage but still has a smile on his face.]

blade: HOW DID YOU KNOW

TheMuffinMan: we have a spy :)

gae 2: WHO????

TheMuffinMan: :)

puns: :)

gae 1: :)

BONK: :)

blade: PONK????

awesome: PONKIE POO?????

BONK: IM SORY SAM HE GAVE NE MONEY

awesome: this relationship is over :,( /j

BONK: SAMMYWAMMY????

BONK: bbh how do you feel knowing you ruined our relationship

TheMuffinMan: great

awesome: ??????

BONK: BBH?????

blade: that explains you and skeppy

TheMuffinMan: HEY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> summary: tapl tells phil he's trans by admitting his parents kicked him out n phil hugs him!!!!
> 
> AHHHH!! hoped u liked it bc I've been working on it for a hot second hope it's not to confusing too!!!! i just had the idea n loved it
> 
> next chap will probably be karl themed bc i think he's cool!!?!


	8. SammyWammy: FUCK YOU CALLAHAN

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has blackmail and Callahan has mufgins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tws cursing n caps!!

[Why has no one named this chat yet]

BIGMAN: MR BLADE

Techie: What do you want.

BIGMAN: do u not wanna talk to me?????

Techie: I just know your going to drag me into something stupid.

BIGMAN: when have I ever done rhat

Techie: Well let me think.

BIGMAN: wait no

BIGMAN: techno why have you been typing for so long

BEE: tomy otz not wort the hunliation

BIGMAN: it's ok I can kill him tubbo

BEE: i dout that

BIGMAN: TUBBO??????

BEE: :)

Techie: The time you tried to get me to duel Tubbo. That time you made me hit Tubbo with a broom. That time you asked me to hit Ranboo with a broom. That time you gave me Fran who you'd stolen so I'd get the punish. Everytime you call me to intimidate Quackity. When you got me to fight a whole war for you that was over chicken nuggets.

BIGMAN: you r lying i did none of that

Techie: Don't try me I have blackmail.

BEE: you too???

BIGMAN: TUBBO WHAT THE FUCK DOSE YOU TOO MEAN?????

BEE: u don have a blackmale foulder???

BIGMAN: NO????

ACTUALCHILDCONFIRMED: wait you really don't have a blackmail folder??

BIGMAN: WHY WOULD I HAVE A BLACKMAIL FOLDER???

quackquack: to blackmail duh

BIGMAN: ?????

BIGMAN: DO YOU HAVE BLACKMAIL ON ME???

ACTUALCHILDCONFIRMED: yes

quackquack: yes

Techie: Yes.

BEE: i don't actually

BIGMAN: thank u tubbo u r my only friend

Techie: I can send you some Tubbo.

BEE: thx blade

BIGMAN: TUBBO WTF????

BEE: i gota have a complet fulder

BIGMAN: tubbo you are the worst

BEE: DDD:

daddydre: jeez tommy to your best friend???

daddydre: man's did nothing wrong

BIGMAN: THEY ALL HAVE BLACKMAIL ON ME

daddydre: and lol???

BIGMAN: DREAM I HAVE YOU I HOPE YOU DIE

Techie: Woah why so agressive?

BEE: y so meen tomy

ACTUALCHILDCONFIRMED: smh man did nothing but talk

BIGMAN: WHY R YOU ALL STANDING UP FOR HIM????

BIGMAN: YOU ALL R THE WORST

[BIGMAN has added awesome]

BIGMAN: sam can u pls help me

awesome: uh

awesome: see now this is kinda akward

awesome: i got a folder too

BIGMAN: SAM?????

\---

[Tommy to awesome]

Tommy: sam do you actually have one

awesome: ..

Tommy: FUCK YOU SAM I HATE YOU

awesome: you don't

Tommy: I DO

awesome: what ever u say tommy

awesome: also do not let callahan in the kitchen please bad just made muffins

Tommy: U h

awesome: TOMMY

\---

[The Badlands household oF POG PEOPLE]

SammyWammy: Bad news

SammyWammy: Callahan ate the muffins

TheMuffinMan: D:

TheMuffinMan: callahan wouldn't do that

mr.innit: yeah sam callahan wouldn't do that

muteboy: yeah sam i would never do that =)

SammyWammy: then explain THIS

SammyWammy: [sent one image. It a blurry very bad photo of what appears to be callahan eating a muffin and looking on his phone.]

muteboy: that's not me

TheMuffinMan: why would you frame callahan D:

SammyWammy: ITS HIM EATING THE MUFFINS HOW MYCH CLEARER DO I NEED TI BE???

muteboy: why would you frame me sam????

muteboy: that's so mean =(

Tommy: look at what u did same you made callahan sad

SammyWammy: FUCK YOU CALLAHAN

\---

[SammyWammy to muteboy]

SammyWammy: one of these days they will believe me

muteboy: :)

muteboy: keep trying 

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i Know i said this chapter would be Karl based but uh, had a bad day so I'm making it happy!!!! also i feel bad for the influx of sad chapters so here we are!!!
> 
> ao3 is being mean so i can't reply to comments but thank you all for the comments!!!
> 
> if you do use the concept from the last chapter please credit me!!!!
> 
> also like??? i made up that game but some of y'all have played it??? wacky


	9. daddydre: babe wake up new family dropped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dodgbolt and Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tws: last section starting when quackity talks to schlatt has child neglect I'll but a description of the last half at the bottom!!! caps n cursing as always

[Why has no one named this chat yet]

daddydre: everyone to the gym we are playing dogebolt

ACTUALCHILDCONFIRMED: wtf is dogebolt

daddydre: did scott not invite you

ACTUALCHILDCONFIRMED: no?????

Techie: @apple I know you know where Scott lives.

apple: [apple sent 1 photo: photo is an image of a blue haired man running from the camera. The picture is blurry.]

Techie: Father will be so proud.

LocalFatherFigure: proud of u harv

BIGMAN: wait phil ur tapls father???

apple: ANYWAYS

apple: ran scott said you can come ;)

ACTUALCHILDCONFIRMED: thanks mr apple

apple: np mr boob

ACTUALCHILDCONFIRMED: thats it

ACTUALCHILDCONFIRMED: villian arc time

apple: oh no

ACTUALCHILDCONFIRMED: @Techie where is he

Techie: As much as I hate to say now is not the right time to kidnap Harvey.

Techie: dodgebolt at 6 be there.

BIGMAN: what ever u say Techie

BIGMAN: OH FUCK NO IM SORRY

BIGMAN: PLEASE NO 

BIGMAN: KJGUYGBIUFRYUHJGH

\---

[Minecraft household supremacy]

oldman: why did i just watch techno tackle tommy

oldman: children explain

second oldest: He called me Techie.

second oldest: He must pay.

oldest: Ok technoblade

second youngest: Ok technoblade

youngest: Ok technoblade

oldman: techno stop murdering

oldman: or im not letting you go to dogebolt

second oldest: I hate all of you.

second oldest: Except for you Ranboo.

second youngest: techie :(((

second oldest: You started this.

second youngest: what dose that mean

youngest: YOU GOTTA RUN HARVEY

second youngest: OH FUCK OH SHIT

\---

[Why has no one named this chat yet]

[daddydre has added oranges, puns, and BONK to chat]

daddydre: babe wake up new family dropped

gogy: what

daddydre: not you

BIGMAN: PURPLED I WILL DESTROY YOU IN DODGEBOLT

oranged: you say that every time we play bedwars

oranged: and what do you do every time?

BIGMAN: WIN

puns: doubt that

BIGMAN: FCK U

BIGMAN: I HATE UR FAMILY DREAM

daddydre: good

BONK: D:

\---

Purpled was not having fun. He may look like he is having fun but he is not.

He had tagged Tommy out almost 3 times in a row, but technoblade kept catching his throws.

Him, Dream and Ranboo were all that was left on one side with Techno, Harvey, and Ponk on the other. How Ponk had manged to both stay in and hit people was beyond him.

Purpled threw a ball right at Ponk, who sidestepped it and quickly threw one back at them. 

Dream chucks a ball that hits Harvey square in the back, Ranboo chucks another one at the same time that hits Technos shoulder.

Purpled ignored them instead trying to get Ponk, the only one left, out.

Ponk sidestepped almost every thing they threw at him, as he picks up a red ball and chucking it at Dream.

Their team, reduced to two now, made one last ditch effort and decided to just chuck all the balls at Ponk at once. 

It didn't work.

Ponk with every single dodgeball quickly got Ranboo out by throwing two balls on either side of him before tossing on in the center.

How Ponk learned that was beyond Purpled.

The two left exchange shots for a good forever till Ponk throws a hillarious bad shot that somehow managed to brush Purpleds arm.

"For fucks sake." Purpled says as he hears everyone yell 'OUT'. 

Later on he would deny smiling at Ponks win, but he most definitely was.

\---

[Why has no one named this chat yet]

BONK: that was fon

awesome: ponkie where did u learn that

BONK: youtube at 3 am :)

BONK: and dream

daddydre: when have I ever

daddydre: wait

daddydre: you actually listened???

BONK: of corse i did!!!

BONK: never know wene youll ned it

daddydre: ponk i am so proud of u

BONK: i know 

oranged: i am not

daddydre: purpled stfu u salty bitch

oranged: you never say that to someone who knows where you live

\---

[quackquack to goatman]

quackquack: schlatt are you gonna be back this week??

goatman: probably not

quackquack: well can you give the kids more money than??

quackquack: I'm running outta shit for the kids

goatman: don't you have a job quackity?

goatman: use the money from that

\---

[quackquack to blade]

quackquack: hey i Know yr rich can you lend me more money??

blade: why.

quackquack: I'm getting low on funds

blade: don't you work??

quackquack: my employer isn't paying me

blade: that's illegal

quackquack: i just need to get them threw the week ok

blade: oh shit

blade: have you run out of those funds??

quackquack: yeah

blade: get the kids to pack up your coming over

quackquack: Techno we'll be fine

blade: no you fucking won't

blade: I'll come over in an hour

\---

[quackquack has made a chat!]

[quackquack has added niki!!, urhighness, and BEE to chat]

quackquack: pack it up kids we r going on a road trip

niki!!: ???

quackquack: we r going to phil's for a bit

quackquack: your dad hasn't given us enough money to feed everyone

quackquack: so technos making us move in for a bit

urhighness: how long???

quackquack: either a week or forever 

urhighness: if it’s Phil I’m expecting forever

Niki!!: ^^^^

quackquack: ok so bring everything

BEE: CAN I BRYNG MI BEE??

Niki!!: you can bring whatever you want tubs

BEE: POGG

\---

Phil should have expected this.

Techno has a habit of adopting people, it was how every member of their household came to be.

What he hadn't expected to happen was for Techno to adopt an entire family. 

Don't get Phil wrong, he was quite happy they had come. Hell if Techno hadn't done it Phil probably would've.

"Everyone's going to have to room up till I can get the extra rooms ready, any preferences." Phil asked the kids, Their house was packed now, 9 full with most of the kids already doubled up.

"One of us with Tubbo please." Eret says holding the now sleeping kid to their chest.

"That it?"

Nods.

"Ok Quackity, Tubbo hole up in Wilburs room, Niki and Eret can go with Ranboo. I'll move you around once I get the two rooms ready. That good with everyone?"

Nods and a few sighs from Wilbur about how Techno only gets 1 roommate, but the smile on his face said otherwise.

"Now get to sleep it also midnight."

—-  
[Minecraft household supremacy]

[oldman has added Niki!!, BEE, quackquack and urhighness]

[oldman has changed BEEs, Niki!!s and 6 Others names]

4th oldest: welcome to the family

oldman: go to sleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!!!PONK N PURPLED!!?
> 
> summary: Techno forces quackity, tubbo', niki n eret to live with him n phil for the foreseeable future
> 
> i added purpled bc my lovely mc Fiance Florie @pvrpled on tumblr check them out watches him religiously so i added him in bc i love my mc Fiance
> 
> also!!! expect unpdates to slow down this week, i no longer have a free period every day which is when I usually write so i can't write to much!!!!


	10. sandlover69: i don't take requests from furry lovers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Racconinnit, Sam being confused by money, and Technosoft all in one chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tws caps n cursing   
> (i am very tierd sorry if I miss any)

[why has no one named this chat yet]

BEE: never ask philza mincrat about hols the movie

LocalFatherFigure: ITS A SHITOVIE THE PLIT MAKES NO SENSE

BIGMAN: Shitovie

LocalFatherFigure: i am going to hit you with a sandal

LocalFatherFigure: @awesome permission to hit your brother

awesome: how much money?? /j

BIGMAN: SAM DDD:

LocalFatherFigure: 5 dollars

awesome: dollars or cents???

LocalFatherFigure: sam what do you think

awesome: cents???

BIGMAN: sam he said dollars???

LocalFatherFigure: why are you advocating here Tommy???

awesome: i mean for 20 dollars sure

LocalFatherFigure: deal

awesome: deal

BIGMAN: D:

BIGMAN: that's it i am going to live with callahan

awesome: tommy callahan lives with us

BIGMAN: ILL LIVE WITH DREAM THEN

daddydre: absolutely not

BIGMAN: ILLIVE IN THE WOODS

BIGMAN: SCROUNGE AROUNGD LIKE A RACCOM

BIGMAN: THEYLL CALL MW RACCONINNIT

[awesome has changed BIGMANs name to racconinnit]

racconinnit: i hate all of you

awesome: whatever you say racconinnit

daddydre: dose this make him a furry

racconinnit: NO IT DOSENT

daddydre: my partners a furry i can tell

sandlover69: wait who r u dating

daddydre: well now I'm scared to say

sandlover69: wait

sandlover69: ARE YOU DATING FUNDY

daddydre: uhhhhh

[daddydre has left chat]

[sandlover69 has added daddydre to chat]

sandlover69: explain yourself

daddydre: no <3

sandlover69: I'm asking fundy

daddydre: tell him he's a snitch

sandlover69: i don't take requests from furry lovers

racconinnit: FUCKING DRAG HIM WILBY

sandlover69: eye-

sandlover69: FUCKING WILBY????

racconinnit: TYPO TYPO I DIDN'T MEAN IT

racconinnit: I DO NOT SEE YOU AS A BROTHER FIGURE

racconinnit: MORE A BOTHER FIGURE

sandlover69: ok child

awesome: ok child

LocalFatherFigure: ok child

BEE: ok child

racconinnit: TUBOO D:

Karl: oooo rejected by your best friend

daddydre: it's ok tommy ill be your friend

racconinnit: I'd rather die

\---

[HarveY to blade]

HarveY: hypixel

blade: were r u

HarveY: park by the school

HarveY: pls come qyuck i see them

blade: oh fuck

\---

[why has no one named this chat yet]

sandlover69: y did techno just run out of class???

BIGMAN: PHILLLL TECHNOS SKIPPING I SAW HIM RUN-OUT OF SCHOOL

LocalFatherFigure: If techno is skipping he has a good reason

Techie: Father my reason is very good no one fret.

LocalFatherFigure: Is it hypixel?

Techie: Yeah.

LocalFatherFigure: I'll excuse you

BIGMAN: wtf dose a hypixel mean????

sandlover69: shut up child

BIGMAN: YOU LISTEN HERE BITCH

\---

[blade to oldman]

blade: me n harv r at home

oldman: is he ok???

blade: bit shaken but he's fine

blade: no more going to the park by the school

oldman: ight

oldman: eret will be over soon she's got op out

blade: fun it'll be a gender party

oldman: have you told them?

blade: nah don't really gotta

blade: already a dude in their eyes

oldman: fair 

oldman: shit brb children

blade: gross

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!HOPE U LIKED IT BC HALF OF IT GOT DELETED N I HAD TO RE WRITE IT
> 
> might start a side story abt eret coming out to phil+ bc i think that would be really cute plus i can project my gender confusing on them
> 
> also i am imply techno is trans because i am ✨projecting ✨


	11. sandlover69: philza minecraft you have like 9 kids shut the fuck up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philza Minecraft is stuck, Sapnap is an arsonist, and Ranboo needs a nap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i been gone for a hot second!!! I've been sick like all week so i haven't been able to write!!! (it's not covid no on worry)
> 
> tws: caps cursing as always

[why has no one named this chat yet]

LocalFatherFigure: sapnap if you are going to try and burn the school please warn me

Sapnap: but then you would stop me

LocalFatherFigure: no then i just wouldnt plan important shit

Sapnap: you'd be a snitch

ACTUALCHILDCONFIRMED: philza minecraft would never snitch how dare you

BEE: this is philza minecraft slander

LocalFatherFigure: ageism at its finest

daddydre: i cannot believe you would do that sapnap

gogy: petition to kick out sapnap

quackquack: i disagree

daddydre: you are biased and therefore unimportant

quackquack: i know where you live

daddydre: and i know where you live

quackquack: not anymore <3

daddydre: what

daddydre: OH FUCK

daddydre: wait

quackquack: OH SHIT 

quackquack: KARLOS SAVE ME

Karl: busy

quackquack: that's it I'm breaking up w/ u

Karl: D:

Karl: that's it I'm out

Sapnap: man's just disappeared

LocalFatherFigure: I hate children

sandlover69: philza minecraft you have like 9 kids shut the fuck up

LocalFatherFigure: it's gonna be 8 soon /j

sandlover69: you wouldn't

LocalFatherFigure: Don't test me wilbur

LocalFatherFigure: I know where your sand is

sandlover69: RED ALERT RED ALERT

sandlover69: IM SORRY PHILZA MINECRAFT PLEASE DONT HURT THE SAND

LocalFatherFigure: :)

apple: my fear of philza minecraft has gone up 420%

LocalFatherFigure: good

Karl: i Walk outside

Karl: I see dream sitting on Quackity

Karl: I walk back inside

Sapnap: dream you have traumtized my fiance's

daddydre: I'm ok with that

quackquack: listen here you piece of shit.

\---

Philza Minecraft was lost.

Lost in ikea to be more exact.

He had gained 4 more kids on top of the 4 kids he already had. All he wanted was some beds maybe a dresser.

Instead he was in an isle full of glass that he felt he would break at any moment.

Philza Minecraft wasn't a tall or even particularly strong man no, he just always felt like he had a large mass on his back.

He should probably get that checked out.

Still he was lost in ikea, with no one around to help him. He walked by a shelf who's name looked like a keysmash. He didn't knees shelf's he needed a fucking bed.

The thought had crossed his mind, to jump in the vents. But the vent covers were high up on the celling relatively unavailable to him. Until now that is.

That’s how Phil ended up like this, stuck in the vents of ikea at 7:00 at night. Trying to not make any noise. He’s not sure if he would be arrested for trespassing, but he doesn’t want to find out.

—

[Oldmanphil to Sandlover69]

Oldmanphil: wil please help

Sandlover69: wdun 

Oldmanphil: do not make fun of me please

Oldmanphil: but I’m stuck in the ikea vents

Sandlover69: JKEDUIXN

Sandlover69: I’ll get you out if you don’t hurt my sand stash

Oldmanphil: I won’t hurt it for a week

Sandlover69: month

Oldmanphil: deal

Oldmanphil: now please get me out

—

[Sandlover69 to blade]

Sandlover69: hey can you break me into ikea

blade: wh

blade: why

Sandlover69: Phil is stuck in the vents

blade: you know what this means right

Sandlover69: blackmail?

blade: blackmail.

—

[Niki!! To urhighness]

Niki!!: you’ll look great Eret!!!

urhighness: I know but like

urhighness: what if their not *that* accepting 

Niki!!: Sam said we could stay with him if anything bad happens

Niki!!: but!!!

Niki!!: I doubt anything bad will happen

urhighness: pinky promise?

Niki!!: cross my heart

—

Ranboo was extremely tired, Tommy had been texting him all night about some egg game he had been prepping for. He didn’t really understand what he was talking about, something nerf guns and omelets, but it sure kept him up.

They slumped over, taking a nap next to their bowl of cereal, when Eret came down at his usual time.

“Good mornin’ ‘ret.” He yawns, waving at Eret forcing his head up to look at them.

They hum looking at their strawberry dress, “your skirt looks nice.” They mumble, setting their head back on the table, “ ‘nd expensive.”

Eret laughs sitting down next to him and pulling out a bowl and pouring in milk “It was quite expensive, but I like it quite a lot.”

Ranboo hums pulling their head up and looking at Eret, “are you pouring milk in before cereal?”

“Maybe.”

“You are a heathen and deserve the death punishment.”

“I can make it so much worse.”

“Eret why are you walking to the freezer, why are you pulling out ice cubes, Eret? ERET?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy chapter!!!!
> 
> I'm projecting on eret my want to wear a skirt but my fear of transphobic people (since I'm non binary but look fem people already misgender me a lot lamo)
> 
> anyways!!! I'll try and update more but i am very tired so no promises!!!


	12. daddydre: @everybody any cishets??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Techno and Dreams duel, plus overarching plot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tws: caps cursing, + kinda panic attack at the end but no really

[why has no one named this chat yet]

urhighness: good morning gays

daddydre: not all of us r gay eret

sandlover69: that's a lie

daddydre: r u sure??? 

sandlover69: i will bet no one here is a cishet

daddydre: i really doubt that

daddydre: @everybody any cishets?? 

Karl: no

quackquack: no

Techie: no.

apple: no

daddydre: how am I so oblivious

daddydre: everyone?????

daddydre: even phil?????

LocalFatherFigure: ageism at it finest

Karl: dream for a gay your gaydar is really bad

daddydre: i know but hey

quackquack: KARLOS

Karl: QUACKITY

Sapnap: sapnap…

Karl: SAPNAP

quackquack: SEÑOR SAPNAP

[daddydre changes Sapnap and 2 others names]

fiance 1: that's just rude

fiance 2: discrimination

fiance 3: WHY AM I FIANCE THREE

fiance 3: WHAT THE HONK

fiance 2: dream is homophobic

sandlover69: that's why your gaydar is so bad

daddydre: I-

[daddydre has left chat]

sandlover69: that motherfucker

\---

[Definitely not the arts and crafts club]

Blade: @Everyone meeting today.

kidnapped: why????

Blade: Because I said so.

puns: ur not the leader though???

Blade: Dream and I are co-leaders.

kidnapped: i hate being co leaders

kidnapped: can we duel for leadership

kidnapped: 5 today?

Blade: Sounds good.

Blade: If you can get the foam hockey sticks I'll get the rollers.

kidnapped: deal

apple: wh a

\---

[blade To oldmanphilza]

blade: phil will the gym be at 5

oldmanphilza: yes

oldmanphilza: what did you do

blade: we are fighting for dominance of the arts and crafts club

oldmanphilza: wha

oldmanphilza: ok then

oldmanphilza: what else do you need

blade: well

\---

Karl remembered watching the duel.

Before the duel everyone placed bets. Most people put their money on Dream but Karl was adamant Techno wouldn't win.

He won in his weird prophetic dream and Karl chose to trust it.

Techno was on one end of the gym with Dream on the other. Both wear armed with a foam hockey stick, one of those colorful roller things, and a cardboard box.

Both of them lay on their rollers, Techno laying on his stomach and Dream sitting normally.

"3, 2-" Ranboo counts off

"GO!" Tommy yells shoving Ranboo out of the way.

Dream spins around pushing off and launching himself at Techno who quickly slides himself out of the way. Techno wack Dream with his hockey stick who blocks it with his cardboard.

Techno backs up prepping himself like a ram. Putting his foam hockey stick out and using his cardboard box to cover his face before shooting forward at dream. 

Dream didn't have enough time to move out of the way and got knocked off his scooter.

"HAHA WHAT A BITCH" Tommy shouts as Karl turns to Sapnap smiling at him and holding out his hand. He grumbles before putting a crumbled 50 dollar bill in his hand.

He hears shouts ring through the gym of, "POGGERS!" "DREAM WHAT THEM-" "L DANCE", but Karl paied them no mind as he stepped out of the gym, panicking, wondering how his dream predicted it.

Only to be run into the one and only, Philza Minecraft.

"Hiya mate." Phil says looking up from his phone, "You alright?"

Karl nods, before shaking his head as letting out a shaky breath.

"Wanna hug mate?" 

Karl nods feeling arms wrap around him as he sobs. Phil rubs circles on his back swaying lightly.

"You wanna talk mate?"

Karl ponders the thought, before saying "You'll think I'm crazy"

Phil laughs a bit, (is he laughing at him?) "I won't, I promise."

"I uh," How does he start, "I uh, sometimes I have dreams but they're not dreams of the future, and they always come true and it scares me and I don't know what to do." 

Phil nods before saying, "You ever heard the theory of past lives Karl?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!! OVERARCHING PLOT POGGGG
> 
> anyways i decided to do a part based on a ghost au i made (it's called modern lives you may have seen it on tumblr i made it!!!!!) this morning so now i finally got a plot going and this will be great i love writing reincarnation things


	13. daddydre: didn't you just have a divorce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> karl is confused and Dream and Eret are going to get married

[Reincarnation gang (and others ig)]

[Cryptidza has added Karl to chat]

Cryptidza: found another one

urhighness: that's like 4 this week

Cryptidza: I'm only at 2 eret

Karl: what the honk

BONK: did you not explain????

Cryptidza: he fell asleep halfway through

Karl: explain what?

BONK: phillip minecraft you will be the end of me

BONK: Karl your a reincarnation of a past you who might haunt you who knows

BONK: other people here are just desendacts who have ghosts

Karl: ghosts???

Karl: WHAT THE HONK

Karl: [1 Image sent. the photo is blurry but a figure of a purple man floating above the ground is seen.]

urhighness: ah i see

urhighness: immortal incarnate

Karl: ????

Karl: I'm immortal???

localimmortal: definitely not

actualroyalty: you used to be immortal

Karl: what the fuck is a ghostbur

ghostbrrrrr: damn Garl knows ghostbur??

localimmortal: Garl is the worst ghost name

ghostbrrrrr: it's better then fucking geret

localimmortal: atleast that was fucking funny

cryptidza: wil leave callahan alone

GREENBOIIIIII: are we bullying callahan?

localimmortal: no

Karl: I'm so honking confused

cryptidza: I'll fucking explain

cryptidza: youre a reincarnation of an old immortal who now haunts you

Karl: i thought stuff like that was just a theory???

localimmortal: i fucking wish it was a theory

localimmortal: i wouldn't have to hang out with dream anymore

GREENBOIIIIII: betrayal

GREENBOIIIIII: I'm going to cry callahan

localimmortal: then sob

\---

Dream glares at Callahan from across the room.

"You a bitch and I hate you." He signs along as he speaks glaring at callahan so he gets the message.

Callahan smiles before closing his eyes.

"You fucking bitch."

\---

GREENBOIIIIII: i was cursing at callahan and the bitch closes his eyes

ghostbrrrrr: marital issues

GREENBOIIIIII: fuck you

actualroyalty: what would Gogy think

GREENBOIIIIII: IM NOT DATING GOGY

actualroyalty: but it is so funny when you get mad

GREENBOIIIIII: FUCK U

\---

[why has no one named chat yet]

daddydre: @urhighness bitch

urhighness: fuck u

gogy: this is not the marital issues chat

daddydre: fuck u

urhighness: fuck u

gogy: @TheMuffinMan

TheMuffinMan: LANGUAGE!!!!!!

daddydre: didn't you just have a divorce

TheMuffinMan: that was yesterday

TheMuffinMan: we are married with children now

daddydre: who tf r ur kid???

TheMuffinMan: Sapnap and Sam

daddydre: isn't same like a year younger then you

TheMuffinMan: he needs a parental figure

awesome: i need a parental figure

awesome: i almost burnt the house down yesterday

daddydre: h

awesome: callahan keeps eating the muffins but no one believes me

TheMuffinMan: YOU SET UP A LAZAR TO STOP PEOPLE FROM EATING THEM

awesome: I DIDN'T THINK SKEPPY WOULD EAT THEM???

urhighness: and i thought me and dream had marriage issues

daddydre: we are not married

urhighness: we aren't??

daddydre: i mean 

daddydre: we could

daddydre: @TheMuffinMan wanna platonically marry us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!! sorry for not updating to much I've been focused on school so I'm tired all the time lol
> 
> expect later updates bc i am really fucking tireed + I'm going to try and make the next chapter longer for (platonic) marriage bc their will be no ships here just qprs!!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> :DDD  
> hoped you liked it bc i wrote this at like midnight  
> anyways idk what do you thinks gonna happen? i don't know it's anyone's guess  
> tumblr: @4yup


End file.
